"in dreams, i meet you in warm conversations"

-


As soon as there's a chill in the air, I allow myself a day, or two, or three for intense feeling. Feeling for what, I'm not exactly sure. It's not a specific person, or thing, or experience, but just yearning. To be honest, these days normally come after I have some intense dream filled with nostalgia and old faces and an overwhelmingly bittersweet emotion.


Well, of course I had one last night, and when I stepped outside this morning it was cold and had just stopped raining and not a soul was on campus, and I couldn't help myself. The title of this post comes from one of my favorite devastating, Taylor Swift songs: Sad Beautiful Tragic. On these days, I like to think of all my past experiences as a sad, beautiful tragic as I'm acutley aware of time flying by. This is probably one of my favorite Taylor Swift lyrics ever, actually. Funny enough, up until a few weeks ago, I thought the lyric was "In dreams, I meet you for long conversations." And I'm actually not sure which one I like more. There are so many people who I wish I could have a long conversation with, but it's not possible because of worldly obstacles like distance or death. If only I could talk to that person one more time. I'd make it so good. There's so much I have to say now, to show them, but I can't. But I also love the thought of a warm conversation. As time and aging makes the present seem frigid and hopeless, the past seems glowing and sweet and tender and true. There are things you can do today, people you can speak with in the present, but it's not the same as it was in the past. And dreaming is the closest thing we have to time travel.

I'm also listening to evermore right now, which says "I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone, trying to find the one where I went wrong/ Writing letters, addressed to the fire." What a beautiful lyric for this day, mood, weather, season. What a beautiful song, honestly.


I don't really have much else to say, I just thought to put it out in writing. And if I'm being honest, it's not just a day or two. It's really the entire months of October, November, and December. As the world slows down, leaves start changing, weather stops dropping, the warmth of the past becomes all the more alluring. And what I get from it is the ache to crawl deep into bed, and dream some more.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

things i find incredibly chic

-
Image
 no mascara + blush + lip color this is so effortless and the epidemy of chic to me. i couldn't find a photo, but especially if the person has light eyelashes and soft features. it's dreamy, 90's, and everything i've ever wanted from a makeup look. you know what else is chic about it? the freedom to rub your eyes as hard as you want.   (i know they're probably wearing a little bit of mascara, but you get the picture.) not drinking at a party this one is so good. picture this, you're at a party (a real party, not a frat. gatsby-esque). you look hot and you're still having fun. but when someone offers you a drink you politely decline. not because you're the designated driver, but because you simply don't want to.  you watch everyone else become more idiotic by the hour. you're mysterious and collected. you leave on your own accord, you're not throwing up, and no one else is throwing up in your car either. and i don't mean this in a mormon w...
Read more

pregnant with summer

-
Image
this blog post is sponsored by kate fulton, who also wrote a blog post during work. hers was life-changing, this one will surely not be.  there is a little bit of a thrill to doing non-work-related things at work. the adrenaline rush of someone walking behind you and quickly changing your screen.  you may be wondering about this title. a weird one, i know. i think the phrase pregnant with ___ is so funny. it's a phrase that i read in a book, and it stuck with me because of how odd it was, and how much it was used, but i can't remember which book it was.  it could have been Wuthering Heights or the Bible, I could not tell you.  as i'm writing this, someone else in the office is talking about when they were conceived. fantastic timing.  i have nothing important to say, so here are some odds and ends and here and theres.  my vibe for this summer  frye boots i need a pair of Frye boot (dupes) BADLY. obviously, i'm not spending $500 on a pair of shoes, but ...
Read more